Writing

I was looking over some of my older blog posts while trying to decide what to write about, and I got a little discouraged. This is more of a rant than a regular post, but feel free to read anyway! 

Writing is hard. Good writing is hard. Sometimes I can't think of what I want to write about, and I always do come up with something, but a lot of the time I feel like my heart just wasn't in it. I'll go back and read some of my posts and wonder why I wrote what I wrote. None of them have been particularly bad posts, they just seemed like "filler" posts. I was going to say "bullshit posts" but eh. 

I started to write a post last night and I stopped in the middle to think about what I was writing about. Was this a new or helpful idea I'm putting out there? Is it different? Will someone get something out of reading this post? What am I actually contributing by posting this? 

I've felt like that a lot lately, not only with writing but about life in general. I feel like I'm having that early-mid 20's crisis that everyone seems to go through. What am I doing with my life? Not just career wise either. Just like when I was writing and thinking about what people would get out of whatever I was going to post, sometimes I think - what am I actually contributing to the world? Am I contributing at all? Sometimes I just feel like I'm wasting space, using energy and resources for whatever reason. And then I look at all the idiots around me and I realize I probably come off as one of those fuckers to everyone else. 

But, I woke up this morning to find out that I got an internship to be a contributing writer at College Fashion, which greatly lifted my spirits. I applied last month and I am so excited that I was chosen to fill one of the spots! This has made me feel a little bit better, as my title is contributing writer I feel like I'm actually going to be doing something productive. I sincerely hope that people will read what I write and gain something by reading it. 

I hope this didn't come off as me saying I don't put anything into my blog - I really do! Sometimes I just look at things I wrote and wonder if it actually impacted anyone in ANY sense, no matter how small. That is my goal as a "writer". Finding my writing "style" is also something I hope to accomplish in my journalism journey.

If you managed to read all of this, thank you and sorry for the negativity!